Guide to American Press

USA TODAY is read by people who think they run the country;

The New York Times is read by people who think they ought to run the country;

The Wall Street Journal is read by people who actually do run the country;

Time Magazine is read by the wives of the people who run the country;

Barrons is read by people who own the country;

The Washington Post is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country and The L.A. Times is read by people who think it is.

New York Post readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.